Her

3am Jan. 15th, 2025

I haven't even got you yet
and I'm already preparing to grieve losing you
because I think you are such a dream that there is no way it could come true
because it never has before

How can I prove to God I am grateful
that he can stop taking things away from me to send me a message

I think I just realized that what I like about Rebecca
Is that she reminds me of a lady from the Gypsy camp in the desert in the movie Prince of Egypt

god how I want to love you
and to be loved by you

the reason men are returning to Christian women
is they are tired of being treated the way they are by non-Christian women
and are realizing that Christian women are the only ones who will fiercely protect their loyalty to you
with their heart
and protect their love for you

I wanna tell her about Eric
and about how he's the reason that I learned how to be so subtle with offering treatment

I think I was always embarrassed to ask for help
because I didn't want to be an extra burden to my parents
beyond how much they were already struggling with Maria

I was scared when she got sick
when I realized she was sick
and that my parents couldn't fix her

I think that's where I was abandoned
but by God, 
not by people
because god took my people away from me

and I'm trying to get her back, so badly
fighting with god
screaming, demanding, begging                                           

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When people keep telling you to just get over it, and you don't want to

 I understand why the younger generations are bailing out of traditional masculinity. It's impossibly painful and rough/tough.  There is no reprieve.  The moment you have painful emotions, most people in your world either don't understand, or tell you to just get over it. What is the use in being strong and tough when everyone just tells you to stop having your painful feelings and get over it so they can keep benefiting from you contributing to society. there's no one coming to save you. Either because no one thinks to, or no one knows how when you're down at the bottom. If you're lost, the only one who's gonna get you back to life is you. Occasionally someone will be able to offer you some emotional reprieve for maybe an hour, or an evening. But it never lasts.  It's never as good as you need it to be, and at best it's almost never reliable. You wake up every day in the same bed surrounded by the same people who don't understand you or what you...
Read more
 Documenting Struggles Unique to Men 1.   Men don't live with the privilege of knowing for certain who impregnated them.  In other words, if a woman is pregnant, only she knows for sure who the father is - whether it is her boyfriend/husband's, or a secret lover's. This, of course, excludes considering the option of a woman who has so many sex partners that she herself doesn't know. In this world, at her discretion, a woman can carry the child of a secret lover, and then deceive her boyfriend/husband into believing it is his in order to drain him of his resources, and steal his ability to devote those resources to someone faithful to him. This is a vulnerability that is not only most dangerous to him, but one that most of society doesn't even think about, let alone lend credibility to.  So he carries this vulnerability with only the support of his brothers, but alone from the rest of society.
Read more

Introduction

Dear men,  (and women as well if you find these words helpful) This is a blog to document my struggle of maturing into manhood, in hopes that any helpful answers I discover may be helpful to you too.  And possibly develop a network where young men grappling with their own maturation can feel empowered by others. My name is Alex.  I am a few months shy of 25 years old.  I grew up in California, and moved to Eugene, Oregon for college when I was 18.  I am a serious musician.  Was raised Catholic.  Had troubles in life with porn addiction.  Dropped out of school to focus on meditation and healing arts. And am recently shedding the radical leftist social conditioning that this town indoctrinated me into. This is a space for painful reflection on our honest short comings - in the service of growth. Thank you for being here. Welcome.
Read more